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Israel to hold elections every five months

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Israel will continue to have regular elections every five months, Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu announced Monday.


After the results of last week’s election proved inconclusive, with no candidate for prime minister gaining a Knesset majority to back him, Netanyahu said it is time to accept Israel’s new reality.


“Why should we hold coalition talks if they are not going anywhere?” he asked. “I’m happy to stay interim prime minister forever, and the people will be fine with it too. Look how low unemployment is and how many African and Central American leaders love me!”


Netanyahu expressed dismay at not being able to discount the Joint List’s votes outright so that he would be considered the leading candidate.


“I have the support of most of the Zionist seats in the Knesset, so I really should be prime minister,” he emphasized. “But if we have to count the Joint List, then we can just keep having elections forever, and I’ll stay prime minister that way.”


Asked if his impending trial on various corruption charges would hurt him in future election campaigns, Netanyahu pointed out that his legal issues haven’t gotten in the way so far.


“Who do you trust more, me or the attorney-general?” the prime minister asked, puffing on a cigar.

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